My FiGHt WiTh HaiRLoSs !!

Advancing towards my late 20’s, my herd of metro sexual brethren seems to be going through a challenging new phase: Hair Loss. Though this particular phenomenon might not exactly occur around the same age frame for all men, it surely is making our sweat glands excrete tiny drops of salty sweaty water on exactly the area where we losing the most.

As always, forming a part of these very much mortal individuals, I too started going through this painfully agonizing phase of watching my hair fall all over my body in truck loads, post every shower or at every single time I brushed my fingers through my “ohh so soft’ hair :). This inauspicious occurrence started suddenly when I shifted back to Mumbai after a year long stint in Hyd and Chn. I could suddenly see my entire bed and pillow cover being covered with zillions of hair strands spread all over, like roses on a honeymoon bed (what a cliché). I couldn’t stop thinking if my scalp had recently become jinxed under some black magic spell by one of my ex’s OR by some cupid zealot who was head over heels with my current gf.

Putting my ominous thought process at bay, I decided to try some new ground by using the facilities of one of the various trichologist advertisements that you see across the newspaper dailies. Going through a couple of ads of Kaya, Richfeel and Dr Batras, I thought I should put my googling skills to good use by checking reviews on these famous hair planters. Just a few reviews down and I was dead sure I could definitely not invest that amount of risk or money to stop something that will evidently fall off with age anyways. Then came a suggestion from one of my close friends, if visiting this famous beautician in townside – who treated most of today’s model for face and scalp maintenance treatments – . The cost she said was about 500 per sitting,with guess what, shock therapy which was definitely less than the others and so I thought was worth trying.

So on I went one fine day, leaving early from work and marching towards this new hope filled with chastity. Her clinic or parlor or spa or whatever it was called, was way far from office and hence I had to leave by around 4pm that evening. Reaching the mentioned address, I was standing in front of this huge furniture shop. Trust me, but I was literally scared at the idea of a beautician operating from within a furniture shop. A few calls and I learnt that this small shop was at the backside of the showroom, so I started walking towards it. Half way through and I saw a beautifully carved woman walking towards me, with a green monster mask on her face – chatting on her cellphone with a ramp model walk. A closer look revealed that it was not a Halloween mask but some kind of a face pack. I could see 3-4 such species around the entrance door with different colored masks glued to their invisible faces – somehow it reminded me of the hollow man, lol. ‘Ding dong’, was the sound when I clicked on the doorbell of this shop. An assistant opened the door of a room which looked like some hell hole filled with male and female creatures with an assortment of different colored facepacks and hairpacks spread around the room – all glaring at me as if it was a live show of “the close encounters of the 3rd kind”.
My friend too was one of them (whom I obviously couldn’t recognize – courtesy: her yellow colored facemask). She came upto me and said ‘Hi’ and I was almost going to shriek looking at that face. Luckily I could make out who she was by her voice. She took me in and introduced me to this gawky looking skinny and extra fair creature, ohh sorry, owner of the clinic. She gave one look at me and said with her townie accent: “Don’t worry baby, we will make it all grow back in a quarter”. I mumbled “ok, whatever!!” and came out and sat along the lesser frightening balding individuals. My turn came after almost an hour and I sat on the hot seat finally. She went through my hair, looking at my scalp like a chimpanzee hunting for lice in another ones head. After a 5 minute checkup, she said she will do her best but I have to give her time atleast twice a week, for 3 months. I started calculating the actual cost & opportunity cost like a true MBA, and checking if I can leave at 4 twice a week. I half heartedly said yes and started my treatment.
The treatment indeed included high frequency shocks given to the scalp by some small machine, followed by 2 lotions and 1 oil plastered on ur scalp making you look like some 2nd standard kid with oil flowing from your hair and side partitioned. I religiously followed this routine for about 3-5 weeks when I started noticing that my hair instead of growing was falling like never before making me almost semi bald form the top (I initially thought that it will show effects only from the 2nd month, as she said, but in vain). During my 4th week I started seeing more baldies coming to her for treatment, and some who had been coming to her for almost a year and still looking bald. After about 10 sittings, and 40% more hair loss, I decided to dive out and walk away from her treatment.

So after washing my hands off about Rs5000 and losing more hair then I ever lost before, I did learn my lesson. Never try and fight nature, it will always counter react ;) But nevertheless, I did utilize my time at the spa more efficiently than my money – making friends with as many female models as I could. So now that I am used to leaving office by 4 twice a week, I use that time more intelligently in Coffea shops with these chicks rather that that gangling Doc (they like baldies u know :P)

Boys, if you want a list with their phone numbers, do drop your personal email IDs in the comments tab ;) …..