The Friendly neighborhood RiCKshaW-MAN

Working in an internal consulting/support role in Satyam has its own benefits; you get to roam across the length and breadth of cities in which Satyam has its offices. As like my beloved brethren and peers, I too fall under the highly acclaimed level of Band S2, which allows me free train travel by AC – 2 Tier class and offcourse AUTO RICKSHAW reimbursements [which is a boon for destitute and needy people like me who come from genuinely poor backgrounds - where one travels only by AIR for intercity travels and by an AC car for intra-city travels :) ]
So let me pen down today, my experiences of Auto Driver’s, from different vocations and regions – across different metros in India.

Hyderabad Auto drivers
Gender: Male
Age: Extreme – either young or towards the elder side – hardly any middle aged men
Drunk: Almost all the time.
Meter: Depends on driver’s mood
This particular breed is the most peculiar of all others that I have personally analyzed. They will turn the meter on almost always as per their mood. The fixed fares from Station or Airport are always atleast 1.5times the usual meter fare. In the city areas like begumpet, tankbund, old Hyderabad, punjgutta,etc ; you will invariably find autos in the day taking you around on meter (however rigged they might). Best part is, even if they ask for fixed rates – they seem pretty reasonable depending on areas (like hitech, from where getting a return fare is difficult depending on the time of the day). Worst part is more than 90% of them will be floating till their eyebrows in Desi Liquor and still riding at their best in the peak hour traffic. Abusing fellow drivers and pedestrians on the road is a very special and inborn characteristic observed in these species.
Common Dialogues:
-Aaj kal kitna traffic ho gaya saab hyderbad maai, city ka ekdumich waat lag gaya..
-Abey aye (to a fellow driver), kya ch*#@ya panti chala raha hai, side mein honkein chalale – dusru ko aage jaane de na miya..

Chennai Auto Drivers
Gender: Male
Age: Mostly Middle aged (all seasoned bastards)
Drunk: Sometimes
Meter: Meter – what’s that?
The worst breed of auto drivers I have ever come across is in the southern metropolis of Chennai. Being such a huge city with magnificent roads (atleast the main roads) and a good public transport system and excellent law and order control – I still cannot fathom how come the state has not pulled the reigns of the auto-rascala’s of this city. Service industries worldwide are known for their customer oriented approach, but this line of public transport in Chennai is well known only for harassing the commuters at any time of the day (god save you if its night time). Worst part is they don’t just harass the non tamil speaking newcomers to the city, they don’t even leave the locals at peace. These lungi clad, stubble displaying, beetle teethed buggers – will charge you atleast Rs.30-40 for a distance of not even a kilometer. If it’s more than 5 kms, than the fare will simply depend on their mood with excuses ranging from climate, day time, traffic woes, night time and the list just never ends. Everytime you stop a rickshaw here, the man will immediately come next to you, you tell him your destination and he will wag his head like a laughing Buddha statue head, and then comes your turn to ask him for the fare. The price will directly be proportionate to factors like your ability to speak Tamil, skin color, clothes you wear, what building you have come out of,etc. and the best part is – if you ask them if they know hindi – they will almost readily answer back witht heir scripted reply : “Hindi nahi aata Sir”
Common Dialogues:
- What Sir, night time Sir, so much traffic Sir, only Rs 250 Sir (8kms), not much Sir..
- What Sir, morning time sir, Traffic time sir
- What sir, afternoon time sir, no return fare sir.
- What Sir, Rains sir, bad roads Sir.

Bangalore Auto drivers
Gender: Male (I have read in papers that they do have women drivers here)
Age: Between Young and Middle Aged
Drunk: Never
Meter: Yes, but 1.5 times

Though my association with this breed is quite less as compared to the ones mentioned above, I have had a brief experience with them so much as to comment or ridicule on my lovely rendezvous times with this breed as well. The few times that I have encountered them, one things has always been on a priority list of their demands – the fare that we pay will always be 1.5 times the meter amount; especially during peak hours and for distances less than 10kms. Apart from this apartheid, everything else about the auto fraternity in Bengaluru seems acceptable. You offcourse do come across a few exceptions who would be drunk or abusive or masked cheaters of the worse kind, but then that’s a national generalization found almost in every humanized part of the country.

Common Dialogues:
- Agar 1.5 times dega toh HAUDU warna ELLA J

Pune Auto drivers
Gender: Male
Age: Middle Aged
Drunk: Maybe around midnight, never seen one personally though.
Meter: Most of the times

The best thing I like about Maharashtra is that in both the big cities of Mumbai and Pune, off all the fucked up rules and regulations and bad roads and corrupt officials and MNS and poor infrastructure, atleast the METER Rules for auto’s is very religiously followed (atleast in all main city areas). Pune does have a lot of rigged meters around the city, but you may never be asked to pay more than the meter amount (unless if you are going away from the city or after 11pm). Most of these guys do engage in small talk, especially if you can speak the local language. But beware if you cannot speak Marathi, as they hate the sight of all outsiders – cursing their very presence, inspite of the fact that they are now earning a decent living just because of these outsiders.

Common Dialogues:
- Traffic kitna badh gayela hai (common dialogue across states, age , bar , gender , language)
- Kya bolneka saab, pehle ekdam lavkar pohochneka, abhi khup late hotay.
- Who paper main aayela tha na,, who chota baccha swimming pool mein Dhad kan padya ani phad kan budya (best Hindi I have ever heard, after the bihari version offcourseJ)

Mumbai Auto drivers
Gender: Male (I have read in papers that they do have women drivers here)
Age: Across age groups
Drunk: Never ever
Meter: ALWAYS

The last but not the least, is the Bambaiyya driver. Chewing on his beetle leaf and tapping his feet over the treble throbbing Himesh Reshamiya number playing on his locally re-engineered stereo; he will drive like a direct descendent straight from Michael Schumacher’s stable. Sleek as their rides are, you will see them squeezing through and zig-zagging via any smallest gaps that an eye can find even in a crowded road with a traffic standstill. The only menace they cause will be to a heart patient who cannot cope up with their belligerent speeds and to the other car/truck/bus/bike drivers on the road. But the meter part will not make any sense if you are taking an auto from the airport, for then you will be asked to cough up the luggage money (even if you are carrying just a handbag or cabin bags). That would range anywhere from Rs.20 till Rs.100, depending on your bargaining power.

Common Dialogues:
- No dialogues, only Himesh Reshamiyya songs.

This would be almost all the auto riders in cities that I have covered being in Satyam. Apart from these main ones, one can obviously also mention the smooth meter driven CNG autos from Ahmedabad, or the abusive and cheating auto drivers of Delhi / UP, or the non meter focused drivers of Nagpur; and how can I forget – the tuk tuk drivers in almost all interior cities in India.

Wherever you go, the Bajaj monopoly AutoRickshaw models might remain the same – but the riders breed will vary from city to city – affixed to an USP related to the city of his origin.
Bon Jour !!