Singur A La Rex !!

So the other day I was just walking down the lanes of Kolkatta, and there I see horde of 278643 murgis crossing the road, lead by a squint eyed Nepali looking murgi. Less outraged and more amused by the fiasco, I decided to ask fellow pedestrians on who this Nepali chick was. I was told she is Mamata Murgi, the leader of opposition of the WB state govt trying to sabotage a huge auto plant that’s coming up in nearby Singur. Upto my usual antics, I decided to interview this Mamata Murgi (henceforth referred to as MM unless specified otherwise). Here is how our conversation went:

Me: Wasaap MM, where you headed?
MM: (shouting in a nasal voice) Watch out you westerner clothed nincompoop, we are leftists – we do not speak to people of your origins.
Me: Ahh well, but this is a Kurta on jeans??
MM: Well, I was just putting forth my point, opposition ke hai na :)
Me: Ohh like that, so whats going on? Where the entourage headed?
MM: (back to her fiery nasal voice) I am Mamata Murgi and I am the leader of opposition of the TCP – Trinamool Chickens Party. We are going to Singur to appeal to the nation to stop this atrocity against poor farmers.
Me: Ohh, by we you mean this entire poultry farm of 278643 murgis?
MM (Surprised): wow, how did u manage to know our exact strength?
Me: I have excellent eye brain coordination you see; I have an IQ of…..
MM: (cut me off midway) Ya whatever, I have to go and do more important things now, rather than listening to your self-acclaimed qualities you punk. We are going to give justice to the farmers of Singur.
Me: (getting back to my interview posture) Well correct me if I am wrong, but hasn’t the state govt already given justice to the landowners by paying about 8 lacs for non irrigated and 13 lacs for irrigated farms? And I heard about 80 % of the owners are satisfied with this package, apart from few landlords who are under your payroll as well as a bunch of illiterate farm laborers?
MM: Ahh .. wEll … ummmmmmmm… (After pausing for about some 343 years) You still don’t get the point my lad, the govt has snatched the land from the desolate poor farmers?
Me: ohh you mean the erstwhile poor farmers, cos by now they are all mini lakhpatis for sure as no1 owned anything less than 5 acres. Plus now that the monolith plant is here, there are hundreds of ancillary units and indirect employment on the way for the farmers and their kin – who I have heard are getting reservations in these jobs. So isn’t it a sone pe suhaga offer, get cash for your land and plus steady jobs?
MM: Ahh,,, well .. ummmm (this time pausing for only 3 years) No but you don’t get the picture comrade. Tata got free land, Tata got free water, Tata got free tax, Tata got free license, Tata got everything free at the cost of the poor farmers who LOST their land?
Me: If one gets paid 3 times worth for something they lose, how have they technically LOST it? Wouldn’t it be voluntary selling? And forget the subsidies that TATA has got, wouldn’t this be one of the biggest manufacturing facilities in the country launching a globally awaited vehicle which will soon fill your state coffers by indirect tax and generate millions of employment opportunities?
MM: Ahh.. well.. ummmmm (without a break). No but the poor farmer is losing his land and we as the members of opposition will OPPOSE the state governments move to vacate farm owners, it’s our fundamental right to oppose.
Me: (Bi*#@….. no wonder others are withdrawing from WB too). So just for endorsing your right to oppose and to get political mileage for your party, you are uprooting one of the best opportunities that the people of WB are about to get and loot them of their one chance at progress?
MM: No no, I will fight for the farmer and make the govt fall and then get elected and work for the benefits of WB people.
Me: And how will you do that, the same way you manhandled your position as a Railway Minister in 2000?
MM: No no, that was a learning experience. I will become chief minister and open employment opportunities by welcoming corporate to open plants and give them subsidies to invest more in our homeland so that we become a rich and prosperous state.
Me: (Mouth wide open),,, So why are you opposing now? Isn’t this the aim of the current state govt too?
MM: no no, it is by THEM, not by US. We are the members of opposition and it is our fundamental right to oppose and we will help the lakhpati farmers,, ooops, I meant poor farmers to bring them out of their desolate condition and elevate their prosperity and………

BANG BANG

Tired of repeat telecast of scripted bhashans, Vishal pulls out a .32 and shoots Mamata Murgi splattering chicken brains all over the place. Seeing this, the 278643 murgis start chasing Vishal through the new highway developed for the Singur Plant. But apart from having good eye-brain coordination, Vishal is also an excellent athlete and hence sprints away from the crowd within a jiffy. Watching Vishal disappear, the leaderless chickens stop chasing and start following Murgi Mukherjee for his new campaign in Nandigram.

Reaching his room, Vishal forgets the fiasco and calls up buddies to join him for a beer with Chicken Starters at Hard Rock. Humming to “we don’t need no education” in the background, Vishal enjoys the sumptuous Poule-Ala-Rex.

p.s: No chicken was harmed in the writing of this blog. Although the author wanted to harm certain Bengali’s; But getting past the Z+ security was too much of a hassle.
For the uninitiated, Poule-Ala-Rex is a continental chicken dish.